Living With Anxiety

When people find out I have anxiety, I get one of two reactions. They either think I am overreacting or they think they have it to. It’s quite comical when I think about it now, but I don’t think that some people understand how serious it can be and how it can ruin your whole day.

It’s like getting hit with waves of emotion all at once, but all the emotions are negative. It starts in the pit of my stomach and works its way to other areas of my body. I might feel paranoia or a heightened sense of fear. Sometimes I get shortness of breath or my heart starts beating really fast and I get this pounding in my brain that I can’t seem to turn off.

When this happens I feel defenseless and powerless because there is nothing I can do, but ride the wave and hope it stops eventually. Sometimes my anxiety can last for days or even weeks. It’s not necessarily caused by a specific event and sometimes I get it for no reason at all.

It upsets me that some people just throw this word around for anything today to the point where people don’t even take it seriously anymore. Sometimes I get told that there’s medicine for that, but I don’t want to take medicine that turns me into an emotionless zombie. This happened to one of my friends and it really only suppressed her anxiety for a little while, but it didn’t really help to fix the problem.

Anxiety is my own personal demon that I work to combat everyday. It is a sneaky one too because it comes unexpectedly and you never know when its going to hit. You could be at a great dinner with friends laughing and sharing funny stories and then…BAM! Now you are stuck focusing on your anxiety and trying to keep cool when you are screaming internally.

Sometimes its caused by certain events. I could see something terrible on the news or hear of something tragic and that could instantly bring on my anxiety.

Anxiety is feeling like you don’t have control over your own body. It’s not something that can easily be turned on and off like a switch. It comes and goes as it pleases.

With all the bad, it has taught me a few good things. It has taught me to be more mindful of my mind, body, and emotions. Usually when I experience strong anxiety, its my body’s way of telling me that I need to get my life back in order. It serves as a warning sign that something isn’t right and that I need to correct it. It is not easy living with anxiety, but I find that I don’t experience it as much when I’m practicing healthier eating habits and exercising regularly. Sitting in silence or meditating helps too.

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    October 2019
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