Being a Black Woman in a Colorless World (Personal Essay)

I am tired.

I am tired for myself, for my fellow black brothers and sisters, and for my ancestors.

I’m tired of constantly having to explain to non-black people about how much my life matters and how I just want to be left alone and respected.

I’m tired of being compared to that one black friend that you have because you cannot find any other way to talk to me and because you use my skin color as a barrier that you can’t seem to break through.

I am tired of being told how I am not like “other” black people. That the way I speak is not how a black person usually speaks.

I am tired of being dismissed with a wave when an issue in reference to black people is being brought up because you think I am different and don’t act like the “typical” black person.

I am tired of being treated as a spectacle that you can touch without permission and can make dance or sing upon command like I am some kind of show animal.

I am tired.

I am tired of my intelligence being questioned because you automatically assume I am a failure and not someone great.

I am tired of being asked by professors to give my “black” opinion on a controversial topic in class.

I am tired of the anxiety I feel stepping out of my home because of the constant HATE that my people experience.

I am tired of non-black people excusing the killings of many, MANY black people because it allows them to feel comfortable in a world of HATE.

I am tired of non-black people trying to spit black-on-black crime statistics in America to excuse the hateful crimes against black people.

I am tired of being told how I should feel about my blackness.

I am tired of my non-black friends apologizing as if an apology will write every wrong and erase the years and years of racism that have occurred globally.

I am tired of being told that a light-skinned black woman is better than me.

I am tired of my dark, chocolate skin being looked at as unappealing because it doesn’t fit your shallow beauty standards.

I am tired of being told that my beautiful black kinky and nappy curls are not nice because it is not straight and “silky.”

I am tired of being fetishized by non-black men because the majority of acting roles given to black women are one of a slave, mistress, prostitute, crackhead, or single mother. And majority of times, the black woman is overly sexualized.

I am tired of non-black men telling me that I am okay to sleep with, but not to marry or bring home to meet their racist parents.

I am tired of a world that wants me to HATE my blackness so much because they do not agree with it, they fear it, and they don’t take time to get to know it.

I am tired of questioning the motive’s of non-black people because the track record of their ancestors is not up to par.

I am tired of my soul dying a little bit everyday because of the pain and blood of my people that is being shed and has been shed for centuries.

I am tired of feeling sad because every time I try to laugh, I remember all of those black lives who have been taken from the world and whose laughs will never be heard again.

I am tired of being tired.

I am tired.